Ramadhan Ramadhan Ramadhan

final semester in Brisbane. Phewww~ has it really been more than a year that I'm here? now now that's not really the reason I'm writing today though.

thought I'd give myself some reward for being able to kick start on the assignments. Alhamdulillah.

now since the Ramadan's going to end, i think I'll write on what I've learnt throughout the blessed month InsyaAllah.

the first parts of Ramadan (i.e the first 10 days)

-I'm totally nervous few weeks before Ramadan. would i be meeting Ramadan? would i be able to be a good Muslim by the time Ramadan is over? would i be able to learn to hold my patience in Ramadan? well the first part of Ramadan taught me that hey, never judge people for whatever wrongdoings they've done or are doing. won't bore anyone about what happen but really, the most important part is the ibrah from the events happening in the first 10 days of Ramadan. oh2 and i learnt to swallow my anger and slap on my smiling face whenever i feel irritated or angry. yeah! i did it Alhamdulillah.

the second parts of Ramadan (i.e 10 days in the middle of the holy month)

-getting the hang of it. manage to not feel angry when something doesn't come my way. got a bad news though. *sigh* a very challenging weeks for me. though i seemed somewhat calm, i manage to really forgot about doing a few tutorial tasks and got confused about the assignments. felt numb for a few days. but Allah is always there to comfort me when i feel alone. Alhamdulillah. i learnt to see the positive side of Allah's plans. He knows better then His creations.

the last parts of Ramadan (duh~ the last 10 days of course)

-starting to get back on my feet. missing my family but hey, who wouldn't? *smile* but I'm feeling empty though. Ramadan is ending! would i be able to gain the Night of alQadr? would i be able to get my past sins redeemed? would i be able to meet ramadhan again next year? lot of questions but only Allah knows and He is the best planner~ OK, though the period hasn't end yet, I've learnt quite important lessons; hold on to Allah come what may and yes, ukhuwwah is sweet! I now found that i have more brothers and sisters that i used to believe. i have siblings in Australia, Saudi, Palestine, Sudan, Syria and yes, all around the world. MashaAllah! how blessed am i!

before i get carried away, I'd best stop here. :)

a wish to all....

Eid Mubarak peps and Taqabballahu minna wa minkum!

_________________________
I have added cool emoticons to this message.
To see them go to http://x.exps.me?9cb969d36ff3d65d7b4b3aafc754228e

baitul muslim part 1

dating dengan miss K hari ni. tajuk menarik. bagaimana membina baitul muslim? hmm... sudah masa untuk berfikir secara serius tentang isu yang SELALU dielak-elak sebelum ini. lagi dah nak masuk 21 tahun dah. kena mula mencari-cari. mula memahami dasar pembinaan institusi kekeluargaan islam. aku tak mahu nanti cinta duniawi dikejar-kejar hingga anak-anak kelak lupa tujuan hidup seorang Muslim. doakan aku. InsyaAllah..

apa itu gembira?

sudah gembira kembali. terima kaseh chuten kerana sudi menemani hamba meronda bandar brisbane mencari ketenangan. oh dan kerana membantu memberi nasehat agar tidak menggunakan wang yang baki untuk perkara tak penting. huhu jasamu dikenang.
tengok. bukan susah nak membahagiakan diriku ini. aku cuma perlu bebas dari empat dinding ini dan VASSS! senyuman mula terukir.
aku suka keluar sebenarnya. tapi bukanlah kerana suka membeli atau makan atau mencuci mata. aku kurang gemar tempat yang terlalu ramai manusia. macam hari ini di edward street. pening. berpusu-pusu manusia keluar. mencari hadiah krismas mungkin. ah biarlah.
apa pun, aku lebih gemar duduk di taman, lihat gelagat manusia, renungkan aktiviti alam. itu lagi seronok dari membeli. lagi mengenyangkan dari makan. dan lagi menghiburkan dari umpat. sungguh. kadang aku hairan. manusia lebih gemar material yang, sungguh, tak boleh membawa manfaat. terkadang mungkin kerana keinginan. yang lain, hanya untuk dipamer merata alam.
dikemudian hari, menyesal tak sudah. meraung-raung pada tuhan minta rezeki turun menimbun. whatthe! (yours truly included) bila alam tak lagi mengingatkan manusia pada Pencipta. bila cinta tak lagi pada Sang Empunya. iman jadi galang-ganti. taqwa letak tepi.
bukan hendak mendabik dada, ah! aku lagi tinggi iman dari kalian. *gelak* tipu sungguh. iman manusia ni macam yoyo. ada masa tinggi menggunung. ada masa lagi tipis dari dinding sel.
tapi demi girangkan hati, tinggal semua. kurung diri dalam pejabat. kumpul harta tinggi awan. kemudian, beli segala sampai ranap simpanan. pelik sungguh manusia. ada cara lagi murah, mudah dan cepat untuk gembira. keluarlah. lihat ciptaan tuhan semua. lagi lengkap dari segala material dijalin satu. kemudian, panjat syukur. Alhamdulillah, dihidupkan hingga kini. dapat lihat lukisan alam.
nah, seronok kan?

syukur.

senang hati. rupanya aku belum buta. alhamdulillah. Allah beri nikmat mata untuk melihat dan minda untuk menafsir. mulut pula untuk mengucap syukur. sungguh aku belum buta. masuh bisa dibeda, mana kawan, mana sahabat, mana saudara. Alhamdulillah.

Alhamdulillah~

Ya Allah,
sesungguhnya
aku ini miskin harta benda
tiap hari aku panjatkan doa
agar aku ini dikurnia rezeki secukupnya
agar hidupku dilimpahi barokah
namun aku masih begini.

Tapi Ya Allah,
Kau kayakan aku dengan cara lain
Kau kurniakan aku
harta yang lebih mahal dari itu
harta yang lebih indah
harta yang tak terbeli dengan emas
Kau kurniakan aku SAUDARA.
saudara seIslam
yang indah pekertinya
yang mahal kasihnya
yang suci hatinya.

Subhanallah
bagaimana bisa aku berterima kasih padaMu
bagaimana bisa aku balas CintaMu
kepada seorang hambaMu yang tak pernah bersyukur ini?
titisan darah yang terakhir dari tubuhku pun
tak mampu diganti dengan rahmatMu ini
cuma harapan ku,
agar aku berkesempatan untuk menunjukkan rasa cinta dan syukur ini
padaMu
Ya Allah
Ya Rahman
Ya Rahim
Ya Latif...

now i know..

now i know
friendship lasts a lifetime
nothing could break it
except for Allah's will
yet, no human has the right
to separate friends
for friend are brethren
i am ashamed
for i try to play god
by wanting to unfriend you
i am so sorry friend
for i know you'd feel blue
as i've turned my back on you
is it too late to un-unfriend you?
how i wish it is true
that i'd be forgiven, i do.

it doesn't matter anymore.

imagine. you have a friend. not just any friend. the one you'd freely take a bullet for without second thought. yup, the one that feels like a family more that you are friends.

now, imagine. the person's significant other. sleeping around like nobody's business. just because the SO could. telling lies as if the world hates the SO to bits. shedding your best friend to insignificant matter to the world, just because the person wishes to. letting your friend defy the very person that should matter to them. PARENTS.

what would you do? would you be just like me? sacrificing the precious relationship to drop the bombshell. braving yourself to tell your friend about SO's rendezvous? No? or would you swallow your anger? act as though nothing happen. let your friend belittled by others. just because your friend thought that love matters more than pride? yes. pride and dignity. as a human being. being reduced to nothing more than a slave? used?

what would you do? tell me?

yes. I've told my friend the truth. more times then i care to count, truth has been laid out in front of the friend. but. still, love IS blind, i guess. now, it won't matter anymore. its your life, dear friend. we're only bystander who could lend our ears for your accounts and our shoulders for your tears. other than that, i guess, you're old enough to not let yourself be stepped on. or maybe you PREFERRED to be stepped on. who knows? and who cares? should i? period.

The Quote 2

this quote sort of caught my eyes when i was browsing through my 55,000 Amazing Quotes application for random quotations. i want to look for a quotation that might suit how i was feeling today to be made as my Facebook status. it's like a habit for me now.

"A relationship is like a rose,

How long it lasts, no one knows.

Love can erase an awful past,

love can be yours,

you'll see at last.

To feel that love,

it makes you sigh,

To have it leave,

you'd rather die.

You hope you've found that special rose,

'cause you love and care for the one you chose.

By : Rob Cella.

this might sound more like a poem to me but, hey, who cares as long as the meaning get through to you. what you mean is more important that how you deliver it. at least that is how i believe.i don't know about you but for me, it has always been like that.

Anyways, my point here being that a friend is really that one true love the stays with you and make you feel as though you world revolves around each other. ^^

friends.

i don't have that many friends to be honest. not because i have high standards or nerdy or whatever. but because, well, I'm not really an out-going person. I'd prefer walking alone. independent. not that i don't like going out with friends but somehow, i like to do my thinking while walking and alone.

even though i don't have a lot of friends, i really cherished these handful of best mates that i have. i love them. really i do. and i hate to see them hurt. it's like part of me was ripped off to when i see a friend hurt or sad. i don't really show any signs of affections to them and i don't know if they'd even realise it but, yeah, i do.

but lately, there's always people like to hurt my friends' feeling. i know they're having issues but please, don't start an argument you know would destroy your life if every find out the reason behind it. just because it wasn't talked about, doesn't mean people don't know about it. so please, just be careful with what you say because we don't want what the words to come back and hunt us later in life.

And you know what, i know and at first i choose to not get involve in your childish game. for me, its between you two. or three. *smile* your problem,you solve them. but when you start publicising it, you know your playing with fire here. i don't want to know what's your problems are and i'm not sure i even care what they are.

don't want to have any conflict with anyone. i have enough problems at hand to be taken care of. so, people out there, if you have problems with another person, either talk it off or shut the heck up. don't make it a national issue.

thank you very much.

turning a new leaf?

the past 3 weeks has been a pain in the neck for me and fellow cohort mates. not only that the classes are more importants, but also the assignments were due in the last two week. so, being the super-procrastinator that i am, i've manage to squeeze in one assignment per week and decided to only start collecting material the week before it is due.
the material parts is not the problem though. the collusion start in the second week where we had to submit 2 assignments in the same week and 1 in the next week. i successfully forced myself to finish up one assignment in three days. and the wonderful part of it was, on the date line, there'll always be a class or two so in the class, you can clearly see zombies walking and panda's staring at lecturers as though they are aliens. ahahahahahahahahahaha...
that's not all, some even decide to not show up at class because we're positive that we wont be getting any knowledge as we'll all be sleep walking anyway. so yeah, the last 3 weeks had been hell for cohort 1 member. and during last weekend, only few of us could be found roaming around campus and city. want to know why?
simple.
almost 90% of us are either in bed, for a nice recovery sleep or simply at home organizing our habitats since its been looking like someone had ran amok in it for the last 3 weeks. i can honestly say that i fall into the first category on saturday sunday, and second category yesterday (monday).
so in class today, every looks very much alive and human, so thanks heavens for the short but very much needed break.
now lets wait for the second wave of assignments and if we're lucky enough, we might see less zombie than the first one.
until then, lets work our arse off now!! ^^

say what?

on this post is dedicated to the end of our first round of assignments.
congratulations to fellow cohort mates.
now lets see, what am i going to write today.... hmm...
oh i dont know, i feel like writing something but nothing came into mind since this morning.
oh yeah, i know..
why don't i write about what i have been doing here in Down Under so far.

starting with trips around Queensland.
so far, i've been to a few places here but because of i'm kinda lazy to write anything longer that 200 words, i'd just had to be satisfied with listing them down and maybe scrape a few comments here and there alright?
here goes....
-Gold Coast
-Stradbroke Island
-Byron Bay
-Sunshine Coast
-Queensland museum
-Queensland's Gallery of Arts
-Mount Coot-tha
-Brisbane City
-Southbanks parklands.
-DFO, Brisbane Airport.
-Harbourtown

now, i went to the first three places listed in trips organized by the ISS or International Students' Services. whilst the others, i went with friends. nothing much to be said about this places accept that they're AWESOME and KICK-ASS FUN!!
the beaches are refreshing after a numbing coldness of Uni and the other places are simply breathtaking!! i should've post up some pictures but then i'm too lazy to wait for the slow and painstaking process of editing those pictures and uploading them. do you guys realise that editing about 500 pictures is tiring as hell?? ^^ never mind, maybe i'll upload them from time to time but bear with my laziness ok..

now what else what else...
oh yeah, its been two months i've been here... can you believe it?? i know i don't.. huhu but yes, it is. and in this two months, i've cooked more dishes than i did for the last 20 years. can you believe it?? ahahahahahaa... i'm shocked as 'heaven' myself. and i've been trying recipes that i could only imagine cooking before. how good is that?? awesome eh? wait till the end of next year and i might at well open up a restaurant. ahahahaha.. naahhh.. joking.. i wouldn't trade my work for a ton of gold.

ok next... hmm.. living with fellow cohortmates. gosh, they are simply the best and very2 helpful.. one only need to ask and kapooff volunteers on the way. love them more with every passing moment that ive spent here.

oh yeah and i've been closer to my family than i'd imagine i'd be. you see, before, i'd only call my parents whenener i'm going home but now, i've been calling them for almost everyday in the last two months. and more importantly, i'm beginning to bond with my father. now thats something else. hmm.. better not talk further about this eh..

so yeah, this two months has taught me a lot more than merely reading a book would do. hopefully, i'd learn a lot more in the next one and a half year to come. ameenn...

explanation needed.

few of my posts lately had revolved around heartaches and sadness.
if i had any reader following this blog and actually reading my posts, if, then some might wonder if I'm having nerves breakdown, or lovers issues.
i know i don't need to explain anything here but yet, i feel that i had to clarify something so that in the future, my words wont be taken or assumed wrongly by anyone.

i treat this blog as my diary, no doubt about it.
and that is why i keep this blog a secret from some friends and even my family did not have any idea of me having a blog as i kept emphasizing that i hate writing.
well that has definitely change and here i am pouring my heart out in this dear dear blog.

for some who has been reading all of my posts *if there's any ^^* you'd think that i actually is in a troubled relationship, when some of you would know that i am not a supporter of people having love relationship before marriage. *Muslims of course* but somehow here, i write posts as though I'm having a fight my boyfriend.

so here's the thing, i DO NOT have a boyfriend and intends to keep it that way. i believe in love after marriage and if I'm going to say the precious 3 words, it'll be to my husband. understand that because i don't want people going around and spreading rumours based on their interpretations of my writing here.

I'm happy for friends who had found their love one earlier in life and are planning to get married. i have nothing against that because i know and fully aware that love comes in a different form and at a different time for different people. even LGBT love is fine with me. its weird because as a Muslim i should go against LGBT. i don't support it though but I'm open to LGBT love. don't judge me for what i say but judge me from the way i perceive the issues.

here's my principle should anyone try understanding the way I'm thinking but found that they, for some reason, couldn't : support i am not but understand is what i do.

thanks for those who care to waste their time reading this senseless and gloomy blog.

cheers.

life is like this..

colleagues are people that work with you and have good time with you.
friends are those who share your laughters and your pains as if they feel it too.
family are those who cherished every moments they're with you and crave to be with you when they are apart.
love is the people who's take a bullet for you.
so, which category are you in now? yeah i know, its hard to choose because we are multi-taskers. i too am proud to say that i am all of the above and more. because for me, i can't be too friendly and/or too cold to everyone.

oh yeah back to the topic at hand. actually my head in chaos right now. i feel ignored. i don't really know why. i'm not looking for attention but somehow, it stings when someone you care about, ignores you as though you're nothing but a nuisance to them. it hurts like hell even when you're trying hard to be positive bout it. *sigh*

the next i'm making friends, i'll make sure that they meant nothing more than just colleagues to mo. nothing more.

friend?

lately i have been feeling something unfamiliar to me. its been going around for about a few days already. after much digging inside my brain and reflecting upon my acts and words, finally i understand what it's all about. i feel like I'm losing a friend. the heart-wrenching feeling left queasy and restless almost every night. Allah... please help me cope with this feeling. help me understand what is happening now for i do not have the courage to go up and ask from the person about what is going in. *sigh* ya Allah, please..

this feeling

today, i just cant take my mind off home. never had i feel such urge to take the first flight home. to be honest, i have never felt homesick in the 5 years of me staying in hostel during my school years and my foundation years. nor have i feel the need to talk to my family members everyday. but now, i feel like crying whenever i saw the pictures or think about those left behind in my persuit to study here in brisbane.
why do i feel this way is still a mistery to me. i almost stumble on my knee whenever i think about the two years of staying here without seeing the face of my mom, dad, sister and brothers.
this feeling is very new. being here changes me into a reflective person from the careless person i am before. not that i have anything to complain about but rather i hate to mope around thinking about something i just cant change. my being here is solely of my own choice. yet, there's something missing from me and i cant quite put my finger into what it is.
well, maybe it's come to me later but for now, i just cant do anything else. all i can do is keep everything to myself and avoid being among fellow cohortmates for fear they might sense my distress and sorrow.
this past few days, i've been staying alone a lot. i cant bear to pretend that i am ok when i am not, anymore. something that i've succeed in doing all my life. maybe if i cut my self some slack, i'll bounce back. so lets just hope i dont lose my sanity here since i have a mission to accomplish.

down memory lane.

last night, there was just me, and a few flatmates left here. without the other two and a few stuffs, i feel hollowed inside. as hallowed as my room.

my mind keeps playing images of THE SIX, as though it was just yesterday that we moved in this house. i keep hearing their voices, keep seeing their shadows.

hmm... its true then. the old saying. ' you'll never know what you have, till you lost it..' sad, but its true.

cant imagine how i've oversee our friendship, though sometimes we argue, still in the end, we do laugh together. together.

i cant remember being mad at them long enough to smear our priceless friendship with hate and jealousy.

ahhh... i remembered how hard they plan and throw a party for my birthday. though its not expansive, still, i am touched for their sincerity. a dozen doughnuts as my birthday cake is more than i can ask for.

thanks a lot guys.. its been such a wonderful 1 1/2 years as flatmates. and 2 1/2 years as the bestfriends.

i am going to miss our friendship in KL. city of sins, land of temptation where evil makes good look like dirt.. yet, here i found new kind of friendship. one that last long. one that made up my big family in KL.

hope our friendship will continue and shines like the sun that never fade in Down Under.

love
GossipGirl #wingB 2