this feeling

today, i just cant take my mind off home. never had i feel such urge to take the first flight home. to be honest, i have never felt homesick in the 5 years of me staying in hostel during my school years and my foundation years. nor have i feel the need to talk to my family members everyday. but now, i feel like crying whenever i saw the pictures or think about those left behind in my persuit to study here in brisbane.
why do i feel this way is still a mistery to me. i almost stumble on my knee whenever i think about the two years of staying here without seeing the face of my mom, dad, sister and brothers.
this feeling is very new. being here changes me into a reflective person from the careless person i am before. not that i have anything to complain about but rather i hate to mope around thinking about something i just cant change. my being here is solely of my own choice. yet, there's something missing from me and i cant quite put my finger into what it is.
well, maybe it's come to me later but for now, i just cant do anything else. all i can do is keep everything to myself and avoid being among fellow cohortmates for fear they might sense my distress and sorrow.
this past few days, i've been staying alone a lot. i cant bear to pretend that i am ok when i am not, anymore. something that i've succeed in doing all my life. maybe if i cut my self some slack, i'll bounce back. so lets just hope i dont lose my sanity here since i have a mission to accomplish.