Wednesday, March 31, 2010
up and about...
well, after few weeks of moping around for no particular reason, finally here i am. ready to take on the world by storm. loving everyday as if its my last is my new resolution. Alhamdulillah.. thank Allah for cutting me a slack and giving me strength to face challenges here in a land far far away from home for that had been my hope this last few days. 2 years is a very long time for a person to go on without a loving hug from beloved mother and father but, oh well, my friends are always there for me. thanks friends. even though we are of different culture, background and religion, i thank my Maker each and every single day for blessing me with friends that are my only precious possession here. Australia's weather too has helped a lot in restoring my good humour. for that, again, Syukran Ya Rabbul Alamin.... and for friends that has always been beside me this few months (gosh, it has been almost 3 months already eh? seems like only one month since i last saw my mom waving at the departing avenue in KLIA). hope that this mood stays with me long enough to last me here in Brisbane. Ameennn...
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
i. hate. it.
i hate it when you choose your girl over your friend.
i hate it when you say 'you're my only friend' and then you treat me like dirt.
i hate it when you buzz me and then you say, 'wait, my girl's on the line. could you go offline for a while. i'll buzz you later, k.'
i hate it when your girlfriend hated me because your best-mate is a girl.
i hate it when she kept on checking my page whenever i post something on your wall.
i hate it when you only look for me when you and her fought.
i hate it when you keep out outing a secret from your girl.
mate, please. i am your friend. NOT your stuff. respect me for who i am.
i love you so much, brother but please, stop acting as though we have an affair. cause we don't and never will. remember this, I AM YOUR FRIEND, MATE, BUDDY or what ever people might call it.
i'm out of here.
i hate it when you say 'you're my only friend' and then you treat me like dirt.
i hate it when you buzz me and then you say, 'wait, my girl's on the line. could you go offline for a while. i'll buzz you later, k.'
i hate it when your girlfriend hated me because your best-mate is a girl.
i hate it when she kept on checking my page whenever i post something on your wall.
i hate it when you only look for me when you and her fought.
i hate it when you keep out outing a secret from your girl.
mate, please. i am your friend. NOT your stuff. respect me for who i am.
i love you so much, brother but please, stop acting as though we have an affair. cause we don't and never will. remember this, I AM YOUR FRIEND, MATE, BUDDY or what ever people might call it.
i'm out of here.
today, now, here.
i am so de-motivated this last few days. no idea why but its just there. like a part of me, i can't seem to break away from it. don't know what others might say about me and my gloomy mood but i hope they can bear with me. sorry for those who might have been hurt by my sudden temper. so sorry. i am trying very very hard to overcome it. just stay with me for a while longer and i promise i'll be happy as a child again. sorry all.
Monday, March 29, 2010
life is like this..
colleagues are people that work with you and have good time with you.
friends are those who share your laughters and your pains as if they feel it too.
family are those who cherished every moments they're with you and crave to be with you when they are apart.
love is the people who's take a bullet for you.
so, which category are you in now? yeah i know, its hard to choose because we are multi-taskers. i too am proud to say that i am all of the above and more. because for me, i can't be too friendly and/or too cold to everyone.
oh yeah back to the topic at hand. actually my head in chaos right now. i feel ignored. i don't really know why. i'm not looking for attention but somehow, it stings when someone you care about, ignores you as though you're nothing but a nuisance to them. it hurts like hell even when you're trying hard to be positive bout it. *sigh*
the next i'm making friends, i'll make sure that they meant nothing more than just colleagues to mo. nothing more.
friends are those who share your laughters and your pains as if they feel it too.
family are those who cherished every moments they're with you and crave to be with you when they are apart.
love is the people who's take a bullet for you.
so, which category are you in now? yeah i know, its hard to choose because we are multi-taskers. i too am proud to say that i am all of the above and more. because for me, i can't be too friendly and/or too cold to everyone.
oh yeah back to the topic at hand. actually my head in chaos right now. i feel ignored. i don't really know why. i'm not looking for attention but somehow, it stings when someone you care about, ignores you as though you're nothing but a nuisance to them. it hurts like hell even when you're trying hard to be positive bout it. *sigh*
the next i'm making friends, i'll make sure that they meant nothing more than just colleagues to mo. nothing more.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Allah....
i feel void of energy after hearing one very sad story. a cousin who just got married few months ago is about to get divorced. what?! Allahuakhbar.. not only that. the sad story does not end there. the cousin's father, who is a long-suffering kidney failure patient has only 3 years left to breath in the sweet air of Allah's earth. whilst the mother were shocked to found out that her kidneys too are failing due to high blood pressure. Ya Allah, this test is very hard for me to digest, what about my cousins who are in very much need of their parents at this crucial time?
i don't know what else to do but pray. very very hard. Ya Allah, please give my cousins a chance to solve everything with their parents standing unmoving behind them. Ya Allah, please answer my prayer, your sinful servant. Please please please.
Hasbunallah wani'mal wakeel... Ya Rahman Ya Rahim
i don't know what else to do but pray. very very hard. Ya Allah, please give my cousins a chance to solve everything with their parents standing unmoving behind them. Ya Allah, please answer my prayer, your sinful servant. Please please please.
Hasbunallah wani'mal wakeel... Ya Rahman Ya Rahim
friend?
lately i have been feeling something unfamiliar to me. its been going around for about a few days already. after much digging inside my brain and reflecting upon my acts and words, finally i understand what it's all about. i feel like I'm losing a friend. the heart-wrenching feeling left queasy and restless almost every night. Allah... please help me cope with this feeling. help me understand what is happening now for i do not have the courage to go up and ask from the person about what is going in. *sigh* ya Allah, please..
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
this feeling..
naah~ i'm not feeling giddy or softening of heart towards anyone okay.. keep on dreaming. those feeling will only come when i've found my lifemate. till then, the only feeling i'd generate would be borderless friendship and family bond. gosh, sidetracking.
coming back to the feeling in hand, i have been having this undescribeable feeling in my heart since few days back. its almost like there's a gaping hole in my heart. homesick? near impossible since i've in contact with my family in a daily basis, especially my beloved mother. love? i dont think so mate~ *disgusted* nooooo freaking way.. i'm determined to not to feel tendre towards anyone unrelated but my future husband. (God, i'd be blushing profusely when i read this post later.. LOL)
what is this feeling? Ya Rahman, please please please let me understand this feeling so that i can deal with it ASAP. it makes my head pounding like there's a jackhammer inside whenever i try to think about it. please friends, if any of you had had any experience in this matter, feel free to share. hate to waste time thinking when i could use the time to do my assignments. till next time.
cheerio~ =)
coming back to the feeling in hand, i have been having this undescribeable feeling in my heart since few days back. its almost like there's a gaping hole in my heart. homesick? near impossible since i've in contact with my family in a daily basis, especially my beloved mother. love? i dont think so mate~ *disgusted* nooooo freaking way.. i'm determined to not to feel tendre towards anyone unrelated but my future husband. (God, i'd be blushing profusely when i read this post later.. LOL)
what is this feeling? Ya Rahman, please please please let me understand this feeling so that i can deal with it ASAP. it makes my head pounding like there's a jackhammer inside whenever i try to think about it. please friends, if any of you had had any experience in this matter, feel free to share. hate to waste time thinking when i could use the time to do my assignments. till next time.
cheerio~ =)
Friday, March 19, 2010
good old ...
Its that time of the month again... no, not THAT time of the month you silly... it’s the good old love ballad time of the month. Usually every month, I would find myself revisiting the love songs from 90’ and older, be it Celine Dion’s, Bryan Adams’, or even those songs from 70’s. It’s just the way for me to release my inner passion towards music without blowing my vocal cord out. And in the privacy of my own room, or should I say my own house... (Gawd, my voice’s so loud; I wonder why my housemates haven’t gone insane yet… huhu).
I could sing these songs for hours for the whole weekend. I could even go so far as to download these songs and its music video just for the pleasure of being able to sing to the tune. Hmm... Come to think of it. I am mad aren’t I. downloading songs from those decades where I wasn’t even born yet. Still, I took pleasure in just simply listening to them and maybe to the extend of singing along to the beat. Crazy I know but that is who I am, mate.
Oh, not to be forgotten. Another significant genre to me that not even my parents would be caught dead listening to it is classical. Songbirds like Andrea Bocelli, Luciano Pavarotti and Sarah Brightman (just to name a few) really makes my hair stand on its end. I might be what people call, person from the Generation Y, but then my appetite for music can only be satisfied by songs from the decades that are behind me.
In conclusion (now I sound like my lecturer...), well, I don’t have a conclusion. At least, yet. Let’s just say, I like listening to all kinds of music. But I do have some times when I’d prefer listening to particular genre just to reflect upon my past and savour the memory. So, yes, I am an oldie as you might be call your parents here in Oz but then I find that music from the past is much much more soothing that the fast paced rhythm we have right now. No offence intended since I do love listening to songstress like Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber and Drake. It’s just that most of the times; they do not calm my hectic life as those ancient songs can do.
So there you have it, another meaningless blabbering post from an almost insane international student in Down Under. Period.
I could sing these songs for hours for the whole weekend. I could even go so far as to download these songs and its music video just for the pleasure of being able to sing to the tune. Hmm... Come to think of it. I am mad aren’t I. downloading songs from those decades where I wasn’t even born yet. Still, I took pleasure in just simply listening to them and maybe to the extend of singing along to the beat. Crazy I know but that is who I am, mate.
Oh, not to be forgotten. Another significant genre to me that not even my parents would be caught dead listening to it is classical. Songbirds like Andrea Bocelli, Luciano Pavarotti and Sarah Brightman (just to name a few) really makes my hair stand on its end. I might be what people call, person from the Generation Y, but then my appetite for music can only be satisfied by songs from the decades that are behind me.
In conclusion (now I sound like my lecturer...), well, I don’t have a conclusion. At least, yet. Let’s just say, I like listening to all kinds of music. But I do have some times when I’d prefer listening to particular genre just to reflect upon my past and savour the memory. So, yes, I am an oldie as you might be call your parents here in Oz but then I find that music from the past is much much more soothing that the fast paced rhythm we have right now. No offence intended since I do love listening to songstress like Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber and Drake. It’s just that most of the times; they do not calm my hectic life as those ancient songs can do.
So there you have it, another meaningless blabbering post from an almost insane international student in Down Under. Period.
ohohoho...
a lot has happened this last few weeks resulting in my being unable to update this blog. pfftt its not like there's anyone reading it right? just me and my ''syok sendiri' writing. oh well. back to the topic.
few highlights of the month being kick started by tear-inducing cooking for MASCA Welcoming BBQ Day, where the whole cohort is expected to cook NASI LEMAK for approximately 200 guests. this event was held to gather up the Malaysian community from all around Australia for a chance to meet and greet each other. well, basically so that we do not feel alone and lost here in Down Under. so, 58 of us had to prepare classic nasi lemak variety for the tons; consisting the rice itself, the so very spicy sambal, boiled eggs, fried groundnuts and fried anchorvies. oh the usual. i being the representative of the house for the sambal-making headed to a mate's house for the task at 10+ pm right after getting back from a Fiqh class in University of Queensland. (mind you, the uni is about 30 mnts away from our uni, whats with we having to take two buses to get there..) nevertheless, the fun in cooking and having supper together beats the overwhelming tireness. heaps of fun laughing while cooking and poking fun at each other. and the next day, we headed to Uni of Q (yes, back to the place unfortunately.. =)) for the BBQ event. tiring but its worth the pain and weariness to see people oohhing and aahhing over the spicy (i'm not kidding...) gravy and some even praises the crew for the very delicious and malaysian nasi lemak. credits to the cohort and the seniors for the excellent delicacies prepared by these wonderful people.
few highlights of the month being kick started by tear-inducing cooking for MASCA Welcoming BBQ Day, where the whole cohort is expected to cook NASI LEMAK for approximately 200 guests. this event was held to gather up the Malaysian community from all around Australia for a chance to meet and greet each other. well, basically so that we do not feel alone and lost here in Down Under. so, 58 of us had to prepare classic nasi lemak variety for the tons; consisting the rice itself, the so very spicy sambal, boiled eggs, fried groundnuts and fried anchorvies. oh the usual. i being the representative of the house for the sambal-making headed to a mate's house for the task at 10+ pm right after getting back from a Fiqh class in University of Queensland. (mind you, the uni is about 30 mnts away from our uni, whats with we having to take two buses to get there..) nevertheless, the fun in cooking and having supper together beats the overwhelming tireness. heaps of fun laughing while cooking and poking fun at each other. and the next day, we headed to Uni of Q (yes, back to the place unfortunately.. =)) for the BBQ event. tiring but its worth the pain and weariness to see people oohhing and aahhing over the spicy (i'm not kidding...) gravy and some even praises the crew for the very delicious and malaysian nasi lemak. credits to the cohort and the seniors for the excellent delicacies prepared by these wonderful people.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
citizens of the world's piece of mind, voiced by MJ
RIP MJ. i grew up listening to his voice and dancing to his music. now that i no longer will have the chance to dance to his new songs, guess i had to make do with what i have all this while. one song that really caught my attention is this one.as the title of this post suggested, no word could describe his tribute to us.
"They Don't Care About Us"
Skin head, dead head
Everybody gone bad
Situation, aggravation
Everybody allegation
In the suite, on the news
Everybody dog food
Bang bang, shot dead
Everybody's gone mad
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
Beat me, hate me
You can never break me
Will me, thrill me
You can never kill me
Jew me, sue me
Everybody do me
Kick me, kike me
Don't you black or white me
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
Tell me what has become of my life
I have a wife and two children who love me
I am the victim of police brutality, now
I'm tired of bein' the victim of hate
You're rapin' me of my pride
Oh, for God's sake
I look to heaven to fulfill its prophecy...
Set me free
Skin head, dead head
Everybody gone bad
trepidation, speculation
Everybody allegation
In the suite, on the news
Everybody dog food
black man, black male
Throw your brother in jail
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
Tell me what has become of my rights
Am I invisible because you ignore me?
Your proclamation promised me free liberty, now
I'm tired of bein' the victim of shame
They're throwing me in a class with a bad name
I can't believe this is the land from which I came
You know I do really hate to say it
The government don't wanna see
But if Roosevelt was livin'
He wouldn't let this be, no, no
Skin head, dead head
Everybody gone bad
Situation, speculation
Everybody litigation
Beat me, bash me
You can never trash me
Hit me, kick me
You can never get me
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
Some things in life they just don't wanna see
But if Martin Luther was livin'
He wouldn't let this be
Skin head, dead head
Everybody gone bad
Situation, segregation
Everybody allegation
In the suite, on the news
Everybody dog food
Kick me, strike me
Don't you wrong or right me
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
(Curtesy of http://www.azlyrics.com/)
i can't and i won't embed the music video since we all can just watch it on youtube.
enjoy and try to grab the message in the song.
"They Don't Care About Us"
Skin head, dead head
Everybody gone bad
Situation, aggravation
Everybody allegation
In the suite, on the news
Everybody dog food
Bang bang, shot dead
Everybody's gone mad
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
Beat me, hate me
You can never break me
Will me, thrill me
You can never kill me
Jew me, sue me
Everybody do me
Kick me, kike me
Don't you black or white me
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
Tell me what has become of my life
I have a wife and two children who love me
I am the victim of police brutality, now
I'm tired of bein' the victim of hate
You're rapin' me of my pride
Oh, for God's sake
I look to heaven to fulfill its prophecy...
Set me free
Skin head, dead head
Everybody gone bad
trepidation, speculation
Everybody allegation
In the suite, on the news
Everybody dog food
black man, black male
Throw your brother in jail
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
Tell me what has become of my rights
Am I invisible because you ignore me?
Your proclamation promised me free liberty, now
I'm tired of bein' the victim of shame
They're throwing me in a class with a bad name
I can't believe this is the land from which I came
You know I do really hate to say it
The government don't wanna see
But if Roosevelt was livin'
He wouldn't let this be, no, no
Skin head, dead head
Everybody gone bad
Situation, speculation
Everybody litigation
Beat me, bash me
You can never trash me
Hit me, kick me
You can never get me
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
Some things in life they just don't wanna see
But if Martin Luther was livin'
He wouldn't let this be
Skin head, dead head
Everybody gone bad
Situation, segregation
Everybody allegation
In the suite, on the news
Everybody dog food
Kick me, strike me
Don't you wrong or right me
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us
(Curtesy of http://www.azlyrics.com/)
i can't and i won't embed the music video since we all can just watch it on youtube.
enjoy and try to grab the message in the song.
heart? gone.
met erika just now for a personal, chit-chat like meeting. well, she's one of the person that i feel very comfortable of talking to. i'll fill in about the meeting later but first, i'll tell you why i feel comfortable talking to her. as i've said in my previous post, i'm not a very sociable person. some might think i am but the truth is, i am NOT. so, its safe to say that i rarely find someone out of my family circle that i could talk to and make me feel safe. she has a way of looking at you that'll make you feel like your words matters a lot to her. makes you feel good about yourself and feel comfortable in your own skin. she has that ability. and not to mention that she's very motherly, whats with her stern and no nonsense attitude mix with sense of humour that left people giggling their stomach out. so, yeah, i rarely found one like that and its a blessing that here, thousands of miles away from home that i had the chance to meet with one.
so back to the topic, i wont discuss everything here since its quite a confidential matters that we were talking about just not. nonetheless, i'll tell about something that really makes me want to cry my eyes out. the story goes like this....
we were chatting about something when she asked me about my realtionship with my brothers and sister now that i am here, a good 9 hours away from them. cant deny it, i was a bit shocked that she ask so because never in my life had someone ask me such question. that very question reverts my mind back to malaysia and to be more specific to my youngest brother whom i share the strongest bond with. then i said everything was fine with my other siblings. the only different is the fact that i had the most drastic changes in my life happening at almost the same time. 3 weeks before i was about to come to australia, i had to send him away to a boarding school.
life has never been more lonely since then. i'm not that close to him in a sense that we never really talked much but our very presence complements each other. we sometimes talk about life and stuffs that only the two of us could comprehend since we share the same wavelength, much to my mother's dismay =). that makes me missed him so much. and since he's in a boarding school, he couldnt bring along his mobile which annoys me to no end as i cant reach him whenever u dim necessary. but we were still in the same country and state.
now that i'm here, i feel so lost. cant quite put my finger into this feeling but it's tearing me up inside. i pray to Allah that He would give me the strength to be away from my family and study with open heart and mind. that's all i need for now. But i also pray that i'll get the chance to talk to Biggie again (yes, that would be my brother). Amin ya rabbal alamin...
so back to the topic, i wont discuss everything here since its quite a confidential matters that we were talking about just not. nonetheless, i'll tell about something that really makes me want to cry my eyes out. the story goes like this....
we were chatting about something when she asked me about my realtionship with my brothers and sister now that i am here, a good 9 hours away from them. cant deny it, i was a bit shocked that she ask so because never in my life had someone ask me such question. that very question reverts my mind back to malaysia and to be more specific to my youngest brother whom i share the strongest bond with. then i said everything was fine with my other siblings. the only different is the fact that i had the most drastic changes in my life happening at almost the same time. 3 weeks before i was about to come to australia, i had to send him away to a boarding school.
life has never been more lonely since then. i'm not that close to him in a sense that we never really talked much but our very presence complements each other. we sometimes talk about life and stuffs that only the two of us could comprehend since we share the same wavelength, much to my mother's dismay =). that makes me missed him so much. and since he's in a boarding school, he couldnt bring along his mobile which annoys me to no end as i cant reach him whenever u dim necessary. but we were still in the same country and state.
now that i'm here, i feel so lost. cant quite put my finger into this feeling but it's tearing me up inside. i pray to Allah that He would give me the strength to be away from my family and study with open heart and mind. that's all i need for now. But i also pray that i'll get the chance to talk to Biggie again (yes, that would be my brother). Amin ya rabbal alamin...
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