...

books, papers, notes on the ground

eyes staring straight at the clock

tick tick tick

counting the blessed time

till i'm in you're arms again

basked in your warmth

spreading through my heart

hoping to banish my loneliness

in the land of emptiness

and i sat there imagining

would there be time when i could go without you

and my heart shattered at the thought

but still i fight the timeless battle of loving and missing you

distance seems to small a price to pay

for a bright smile of yours

the sign of an eternal love

how i miss you

Mom.

really?!

Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim...

and the lecturers from the college are coming to QUT for a week visit.

its almost like deja vu. nightmare came true.

and they're not even here yet.

Ya Allah, i really am overreacting. T_T

Forgive me, dear lecturers, for i have, indeed, had bad experiences where the college are concern, apart for the wonderful brothers and sisters that i made there and God-given knowledge.

Oh Allah, i seek forgiveness and protection from you...

*seriously, i'm supergood at exaggerating. :) *

rumah

aku tak suka balik rumah.
sebab kat rumah tak ada orang.
kadang-kadang lepas subuh, tinggal la ak sorang-sorang.
mama pi sekolah.
ayah pi kerja.
azam pi kerja.
ezat pi sekolah.
along. nun jauh kat key-el nuh.
so tinggallah aku kat rumah sorang-sorang.
jiran-jiran sebelah pi kerja.
internet tak dak.

sedih.

time tengah hari mesti eksaited.
ayah balik.
ayah jarang suruh aku masak.
ayah kata tak pa, ayah beli lauk.
best.
bila lunch hour, ayah bawak balik lauk.
ada la orang kat umah.
tapi pastu ayah p kerja balik.

sedih balik.

pukul 2, dengaq orang bagi salam.
suara garau gitu.
aku sengih-sengih.
ezat tak bawak kunci lagi la tu.
biaq dia nganga depan tu.
sapa suruh tinggal kunci.
10 minit, aku bukak.
dia salam tangan, pastu terus tanya, lunch apa arini, mira?
ada lah.. ayah beli tadi. tapi aku goreng ikan masin masak asam.
dia sengih-sengih, yess!! muah3 peluk aku.
ahahahahahahaha ayam betul budak ni.

lunch dengan ezat. makan tak tambah la budak ni.
tinggi macam jerangkung tapi kurus.
patut la orang panggil dia ikan kering.
ahahahaha.
pukul 4, mama horn.
huhu ha sampai dah gabenor penang.
hahahaha busy kalah ketua menteri.
terus pi dapoq, intai2 bawah tudung saji.
ehehehe orang masak la mama arini.
jom jom makan. teman mama makan.
gosip-gosip 2 3 bakul.
mama naik solat.

pukul 6 bunyi skuter Moskito merah.
ha hero balik dah.
bagi salam. amboi lembut la sora.
ahahahah..
mira, hg masak apa harini?
pi la tengok nuh.
ehehehehe best-best.

pukul 7 ex5 pulak mengaum.
sampai dah ayah.
cepat-cepat angkat kain.
ezat!! jom angkat kain.
dentum hentak kaki anak teruna sorang tu.
awat hang tak panggil awaiii...
^^

malam best, lepak bilik ezat ngan azam sambil tengok hero 2 orang tu main game.
pastu sembang-sembang.
tengah malam azam balik main futsal, lepak kat dapoq, sembang lagi.
sampai subuh.

oh how i love these people.
and along too even though she's far away.
on holidays, we siblings would hang out at the kitchen talking about nothing in particular, joking around and when school term comes, we'd call each other each week.

and now its offical.
i miss home.

riot?

lynch mob. high council.
what do this two have in common?
they react to issues with violence and in large group.
you see, we people *ehem* act human in ordinary life.
very civilised, we are.
very cultured, we claim.
but when something unexpected happens.
when sadness strike.
when anger strike.
we turn into no less than animals.
when we're alone, we think rationally..
but when a bunch of angry mob gathered and surround us,
pulling us to join them,
we turn violent.
gone all the civilised appearance.
gone all the cultured manners.
gone all rational thinking.
replaced by?
angry animals.
ready to strike.
eager for the blood.
hunger for the kill.
we become inhumane.
why?
because we refuse to understand the issue.
that's why.
we do not know the whole story. yet?
what do we do?
we cause chaos.
we start riots.
we held demonstrations.
but why don't we sit back for a while and THINK.
yes, i purposely caps lock-ed the word. THINK.
ponder, question ourselves, why did this happen?
how can we go about it without causing more pain?
how can we make it better without involving politicians.
because once we can answer those question, only can we call ourselves,
HUMAN. MANUSIA. An-Nas.

intention.

why do i come here? Australia. Queensland. QUT.
because i want to study and learn as much as i can about this wonderful country.
yep. Main intention would be wanting to study.
so that is what i should be doing, shouldn't i?
unfortunately, this last few days i've spent here, i had done no such thing.
i was busy with other stuffs that have nothing to do with my studies but have significant impact on my social life and gaining new infos.
one question.
is that bad?
should i get punished for spending time with my friends when i could have used the time 'wasted' there, doing some uni work?
or is it ok?
should i feel fine for spending sometime away from uni work and socialise with beloved friends?
which one should i feel?
tell me for i do not know what are my options.
i don't want to be selfish and just look at the issue from my point of view alone.
i do believe that what i was doing was fine. while my sister believe that i was wasting my time here in Australia by going out and hang out with friends.
fair enough.
her argument being i was funded by the tax-payers to come here and study. that is what i should be doing. not hanging around watching some movies or shopping.
my argument, on the other hand, would be, as i was here in Australia, i might as well experience an Autralian way of life.
people might think as they like. its their right. and people can judge all they want because that is what people are good at. judging. yep. people like me and you.
so now, back to the topic at hand.
is my actions has gone against my original intentions?
have i betrayed the government's trust on me?
have i abused the tax-payers' hope?
or is it fine?
is my actions beneficial?

i don't really care about what people say about ME.
but i do care what people take my actions for as i am here because of the people.
they paid quarter of their money so that they'll get a better future for themselves and their family.
so tell me now. not tomorrow. not later.
my intentions, has it been violated?

KL city (52 days before Down Under)

first light~

ahhh... finally i'm home...

i've been waiting for so long for this moment...

got to meet both of my brothers and my sis also my parents at the same time.

(bro's working night shift the last time i got home..)

miss them badly..

cant imagine not seeing them personally for two years.. hmmm two years eh?

hell for some and heaven for others...

as for me, i feel numb whenever i think about my going away for two years abroad.

quite a distance from HOME. Malaysia. Home Sweet Home..

well well well, quite melancholy of me today..

thanks to mom's nagging just now makes me thinking, how am i going to live without her nagging me for two years?

some people might see mothers as universal naggers (is there an English word as such?? LOL).

but for me, her nagging is my inspiration to think clearly and RATIONALLY each time i'm about to or has committed the stupidest mistakes ever..

going to miss every soul in this house~ mom dad along ajam and ezad. my life.

ok, now i am babbling nonsense..

better go do something before i start rambling secrets here.

da~

salam.