friends.

i don't have that many friends to be honest. not because i have high standards or nerdy or whatever. but because, well, I'm not really an out-going person. I'd prefer walking alone. independent. not that i don't like going out with friends but somehow, i like to do my thinking while walking and alone.

even though i don't have a lot of friends, i really cherished these handful of best mates that i have. i love them. really i do. and i hate to see them hurt. it's like part of me was ripped off to when i see a friend hurt or sad. i don't really show any signs of affections to them and i don't know if they'd even realise it but, yeah, i do.

but lately, there's always people like to hurt my friends' feeling. i know they're having issues but please, don't start an argument you know would destroy your life if every find out the reason behind it. just because it wasn't talked about, doesn't mean people don't know about it. so please, just be careful with what you say because we don't want what the words to come back and hunt us later in life.

And you know what, i know and at first i choose to not get involve in your childish game. for me, its between you two. or three. *smile* your problem,you solve them. but when you start publicising it, you know your playing with fire here. i don't want to know what's your problems are and i'm not sure i even care what they are.

don't want to have any conflict with anyone. i have enough problems at hand to be taken care of. so, people out there, if you have problems with another person, either talk it off or shut the heck up. don't make it a national issue.

thank you very much.

riot?

lynch mob. high council.
what do this two have in common?
they react to issues with violence and in large group.
you see, we people *ehem* act human in ordinary life.
very civilised, we are.
very cultured, we claim.
but when something unexpected happens.
when sadness strike.
when anger strike.
we turn into no less than animals.
when we're alone, we think rationally..
but when a bunch of angry mob gathered and surround us,
pulling us to join them,
we turn violent.
gone all the civilised appearance.
gone all the cultured manners.
gone all rational thinking.
replaced by?
angry animals.
ready to strike.
eager for the blood.
hunger for the kill.
we become inhumane.
why?
because we refuse to understand the issue.
that's why.
we do not know the whole story. yet?
what do we do?
we cause chaos.
we start riots.
we held demonstrations.
but why don't we sit back for a while and THINK.
yes, i purposely caps lock-ed the word. THINK.
ponder, question ourselves, why did this happen?
how can we go about it without causing more pain?
how can we make it better without involving politicians.
because once we can answer those question, only can we call ourselves,
HUMAN. MANUSIA. An-Nas.

turning a new leaf?

the past 3 weeks has been a pain in the neck for me and fellow cohort mates. not only that the classes are more importants, but also the assignments were due in the last two week. so, being the super-procrastinator that i am, i've manage to squeeze in one assignment per week and decided to only start collecting material the week before it is due.
the material parts is not the problem though. the collusion start in the second week where we had to submit 2 assignments in the same week and 1 in the next week. i successfully forced myself to finish up one assignment in three days. and the wonderful part of it was, on the date line, there'll always be a class or two so in the class, you can clearly see zombies walking and panda's staring at lecturers as though they are aliens. ahahahahahahahahahaha...
that's not all, some even decide to not show up at class because we're positive that we wont be getting any knowledge as we'll all be sleep walking anyway. so yeah, the last 3 weeks had been hell for cohort 1 member. and during last weekend, only few of us could be found roaming around campus and city. want to know why?
simple.
almost 90% of us are either in bed, for a nice recovery sleep or simply at home organizing our habitats since its been looking like someone had ran amok in it for the last 3 weeks. i can honestly say that i fall into the first category on saturday sunday, and second category yesterday (monday).
so in class today, every looks very much alive and human, so thanks heavens for the short but very much needed break.
now lets wait for the second wave of assignments and if we're lucky enough, we might see less zombie than the first one.
until then, lets work our arse off now!! ^^

say what?

on this post is dedicated to the end of our first round of assignments.
congratulations to fellow cohort mates.
now lets see, what am i going to write today.... hmm...
oh i dont know, i feel like writing something but nothing came into mind since this morning.
oh yeah, i know..
why don't i write about what i have been doing here in Down Under so far.

starting with trips around Queensland.
so far, i've been to a few places here but because of i'm kinda lazy to write anything longer that 200 words, i'd just had to be satisfied with listing them down and maybe scrape a few comments here and there alright?
here goes....
-Gold Coast
-Stradbroke Island
-Byron Bay
-Sunshine Coast
-Queensland museum
-Queensland's Gallery of Arts
-Mount Coot-tha
-Brisbane City
-Southbanks parklands.
-DFO, Brisbane Airport.
-Harbourtown

now, i went to the first three places listed in trips organized by the ISS or International Students' Services. whilst the others, i went with friends. nothing much to be said about this places accept that they're AWESOME and KICK-ASS FUN!!
the beaches are refreshing after a numbing coldness of Uni and the other places are simply breathtaking!! i should've post up some pictures but then i'm too lazy to wait for the slow and painstaking process of editing those pictures and uploading them. do you guys realise that editing about 500 pictures is tiring as hell?? ^^ never mind, maybe i'll upload them from time to time but bear with my laziness ok..

now what else what else...
oh yeah, its been two months i've been here... can you believe it?? i know i don't.. huhu but yes, it is. and in this two months, i've cooked more dishes than i did for the last 20 years. can you believe it?? ahahahahahaa... i'm shocked as 'heaven' myself. and i've been trying recipes that i could only imagine cooking before. how good is that?? awesome eh? wait till the end of next year and i might at well open up a restaurant. ahahahaha.. naahhh.. joking.. i wouldn't trade my work for a ton of gold.

ok next... hmm.. living with fellow cohortmates. gosh, they are simply the best and very2 helpful.. one only need to ask and kapooff volunteers on the way. love them more with every passing moment that ive spent here.

oh yeah and i've been closer to my family than i'd imagine i'd be. you see, before, i'd only call my parents whenener i'm going home but now, i've been calling them for almost everyday in the last two months. and more importantly, i'm beginning to bond with my father. now thats something else. hmm.. better not talk further about this eh..

so yeah, this two months has taught me a lot more than merely reading a book would do. hopefully, i'd learn a lot more in the next one and a half year to come. ameenn...

oh dear...

in times like this.. i really feel like taking the first flight home and wallop both of you, dear brothers.. dem. but i do love you. and you too along.. ^^ and mom and dad and grandma~

today. this morning.

woke up today feeling like crap.
my toe's killing me.
the weather is darn cold.
and couldn't even start doing my work.
ah could this be any worst?
hopefully no.
i really really need to be getting back to work but hey, mua fingers just couldn't write the correct words.
*sigh*
should i go back to sleep then?
aaaa.... better not.
ok, got to go back to work.
and hopefully this time i'd be able to work a hundred or two words before class this arvo.
bye diary!

explanation needed.

few of my posts lately had revolved around heartaches and sadness.
if i had any reader following this blog and actually reading my posts, if, then some might wonder if I'm having nerves breakdown, or lovers issues.
i know i don't need to explain anything here but yet, i feel that i had to clarify something so that in the future, my words wont be taken or assumed wrongly by anyone.

i treat this blog as my diary, no doubt about it.
and that is why i keep this blog a secret from some friends and even my family did not have any idea of me having a blog as i kept emphasizing that i hate writing.
well that has definitely change and here i am pouring my heart out in this dear dear blog.

for some who has been reading all of my posts *if there's any ^^* you'd think that i actually is in a troubled relationship, when some of you would know that i am not a supporter of people having love relationship before marriage. *Muslims of course* but somehow here, i write posts as though I'm having a fight my boyfriend.

so here's the thing, i DO NOT have a boyfriend and intends to keep it that way. i believe in love after marriage and if I'm going to say the precious 3 words, it'll be to my husband. understand that because i don't want people going around and spreading rumours based on their interpretations of my writing here.

I'm happy for friends who had found their love one earlier in life and are planning to get married. i have nothing against that because i know and fully aware that love comes in a different form and at a different time for different people. even LGBT love is fine with me. its weird because as a Muslim i should go against LGBT. i don't support it though but I'm open to LGBT love. don't judge me for what i say but judge me from the way i perceive the issues.

here's my principle should anyone try understanding the way I'm thinking but found that they, for some reason, couldn't : support i am not but understand is what i do.

thanks for those who care to waste their time reading this senseless and gloomy blog.

cheers.

stupidity is my middle name.

i know my principle.
that is to not get involved in other people's business unless they ask me to.
that's it.
NEVER GET INVOLVED.
but what i've done today has gone against the very principle that i've stand for this last few years.
the one that make it bearable for me to keep on living.
shit.
today, April 20, 2010.
i have stupidly put my self in a situation where i had to get involved in a friend's life.
shit.
i should've keep my mouth shut and let them live their lives the way they want it.
i should've stop my self from sniffing around on people's business.
i should've mind my OWN business.
i should.
i know i should/
but yet, today i have done no such thing.
stupid stupid mistake that'll ruin my life for good.
GREAT!
stupid.

intention.

why do i come here? Australia. Queensland. QUT.
because i want to study and learn as much as i can about this wonderful country.
yep. Main intention would be wanting to study.
so that is what i should be doing, shouldn't i?
unfortunately, this last few days i've spent here, i had done no such thing.
i was busy with other stuffs that have nothing to do with my studies but have significant impact on my social life and gaining new infos.
one question.
is that bad?
should i get punished for spending time with my friends when i could have used the time 'wasted' there, doing some uni work?
or is it ok?
should i feel fine for spending sometime away from uni work and socialise with beloved friends?
which one should i feel?
tell me for i do not know what are my options.
i don't want to be selfish and just look at the issue from my point of view alone.
i do believe that what i was doing was fine. while my sister believe that i was wasting my time here in Australia by going out and hang out with friends.
fair enough.
her argument being i was funded by the tax-payers to come here and study. that is what i should be doing. not hanging around watching some movies or shopping.
my argument, on the other hand, would be, as i was here in Australia, i might as well experience an Autralian way of life.
people might think as they like. its their right. and people can judge all they want because that is what people are good at. judging. yep. people like me and you.
so now, back to the topic at hand.
is my actions has gone against my original intentions?
have i betrayed the government's trust on me?
have i abused the tax-payers' hope?
or is it fine?
is my actions beneficial?

i don't really care about what people say about ME.
but i do care what people take my actions for as i am here because of the people.
they paid quarter of their money so that they'll get a better future for themselves and their family.
so tell me now. not tomorrow. not later.
my intentions, has it been violated?

broken promises...

promised myself, i wont post anymore sad thing
promised myself, i wont cry because of you
promised myself, i wont miss you
promised myself, i wont visit your page
promised myself, i wont listen to our song
promised myself, i wont check you availability in ym
promised myself, i wont look at your picture
promised myself, i wont dial your number


but i did. i did. i did.
cant help it
hands keep on typing
tears keep running
heart keeps aching
mouse keeps clicking
ears keeps hearing
mind keeps wondering
eyes keeps looking
finger keeps scrolling.

i'm sorry. i've broken them promises.....

curtesy of : pseudohumane

I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You by Pablo Neruda

I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You by Pablo Neruda

assignment assignment...

as the title above suggested, yeah this post is about assignment or the motivation to do it. or lack thereof. oh whatever.. hmm.. ok, i was supposed to complete my third assignment of the semester which is due on this Friday, but i cant seem to find the drive to make me continue doing it. so let me entertain myself here, and you people who happen to trip down into this page about assignment and why (oh whyyyyy...) in the world do we have to do it anyway.
ok first of all, it is the unit requirement of our course, or in layman's term, if you don't do it,you don't graduate and you can kiss goodbye to your valuable golden youth time wasted and your parents (or in my case, parents', government's and tax-payers') money also wasted on your ungrateful arses to ensure your place in whatever institution you're in now. oh and also you can kiss goodbye to your girlfriend (applicable to dudes only) too.. since women now are more interested in your brain and work position AND money (yup, i admit it dude, we women ARE materialistic) only. it doesn't mean that i'm looking down on my own kind but yeah we are materialistic because we are realistic. hey come on, admit it, you dudes too need money to live right? don't fool yourself. i know you think so too. so better do your assignment, get good grades, graduate, work and grab the girl of your dream. =)
the second reason for doing assignment would be its for your own good. i know i know, i sound like your mother on the phone when you call her and complain about your workload, ridiculous assessments (as we call it here in uni) and pressure and how much you wish that whomever invented assessments in the first place would rot in hell. but hey, come on, if you do not put into practice what you have learned then why learn in the first place right and besides, you'll understand your stuff better if you put the into use rather than mere reading and memorizing. i supposed now i sound more like your granny that your mom right? me think so too. ^^ but really, isn't it funny? you have been studying half your age and you don't have a clue on how to apply what you have learnt. what a waste, buddy!
the third one would be... hmmm lets see... oh yeah! would you rather dry clean your brain during long hours of examinations or spent few sleepless night doing assignments? duh~ you think i believe that you did your assignments wayyyy before your dateline? give me a break! from my research and observation (yeah i did do it, though its inofficially done, hehehehehehe) this past 3 years, 90% of uni students only do their assignment a few days before the due date with 50% of them do their researches as soon as they were given briefing bout the assignment and 40% more would be doing them prior to the due date. haha you can't fool me jerks! because i'm in the super-cool 90% group but which end will remain a secret. ahahahahahahaha...
so now there you have it, three major reason why we unfortunate uni students had to do our assignments. some might ask, 'hey moron, only three reasons? i can come up with thousand of reason why i SHOULDN'T be doing assignment.' so here the answer, keep on giving reasons for we human are very famous for our excuses. God give us the most valuable possession man could ever had, a BRAIN. so don't let is go to waste by not filling it with knowledge because then, you might as well E-Bay them to people in need then leave them collecting dust in your skull.

p/s: Gina always wonder why people call her cold-hearted. is it wrong to have your own principle?

Syukur..

hari ini aku dan kawan-kawan telah dibawa oleh pensyarah-pensyarah tersayang untuk menjelajah Sunshine Coast, Australia. Tempat ini amatlah cantik. Subahanallah... Airnya yang putih bersih dan sejuk. Pasirnya yang mulus. Alhamdulillah, cuaca hari ini juga agak redup, menambahkan lagi keindahan tempat ini.
Aku sudah agak lama kepingin untuk bermain air laut di bumi Australia ini tetapi hanya hari ini bisa melunaskan keinginan itu. Ya Allah! Aku berasa amat kagum dengan apa yang telah aku lihat dan alami. Kekuasaan Allah sangatlah jelas kelihatan. Dari buih-buih ombak yang menghempas pantai hinggalah pepohon yang memagari tepian pantai.. Sungguh. Terasa sangat puas hati dengan lawatan kali ini kerana aku dapat benar-benar merasai nikmat kesejukan air laut di Sunshine Coast. oh, bukan aku tidak biasa dengan air laut, sahabat. Baitiku di Malaysia letaknya hanya sekitar 200 meter dari gigi air Pantai Bersih. Tetapi tidak sama dengan yang disini kerana perkara yang biasa-biasa aku lakukan di Malaysia seperti duduk di pinggir pantai sambil mengamati kecantikan alam tidak dapat dilakukan disini sewenang-wenangnya. ini kerna disini, pantai-pantai awam letaknya agak jauh dari asrama ku di Queensland Unversity of Technology kampus Kelvin Grove. Jadi kesempatan yang ada ini amatlah aku syukuri. Terima kasih tuhan. Disaat aku ketumpulan idea untuk menyiapkan tugasan, Kau membuka jalan untukku berehat menyelami indahnya ciptaanMu agar dapat ku mencari ilham disamping memanjatkan kesyukuran atas kurniaan alamMu ini.
Walaupun sering diri ini lupa padaMu, Kau tetapi jua memberi rahmat cintaMu tanpa putus. Terima Kasih Allah. Ta.

pos kedua aku.

post kedua aku dalam bahasa melayu. seronok kerana aku jarang sekali menghantar pos dalam bahasa ibunda dan sudah lama juga aku tidak menulis sebarang warkah berbahasa melayu. jikalau aku menulis dalam bahasa melayu maknanya ada perkara yang menekan diri. itu pasti kerana untuk menaip dalam bahasa Inggeris, aku harus berfikir panjang untuk mencari perkataan-perkataan yang sesuai. oh sudah jauh aku tersasar.

warkah kali ini, hanyalah satu lagi nukilan rasa dari aku. dan sudah semestinya saperti warkahku sebelum ini, isinya berupa keluh kesah seorang aku. jika malas mahu mendengar, dipersilakan ke laman blog yang lain ya. *adakah orang yang membaca lamanku ini kecuali diri ini. hahaha lucu.*

keluhan ku kali ini ada berkaitan dengan seorang sahabat. mungkin ia hanyalah perasaan ku sendiri yang sering menggambarkan perkara yang bukan-bukan, langsung menimbulkan taksiran-taksiran negatif didalam minda. dan mungkin juga, semua itu bukan sekadar tanggapan. ya benar Amira, kau sudah kehilangan seorang sahabat.

aku tidak tahu apakah aku ada tersilap bicara, terkhilaf gaya, tersasul bahasa. tiba-tiba sahaja sahabat ku ini kurasakan semakin jauh dari gapaian tanganku. tiada kata darinya. langsung. tiada.

sahabat, dimana sahaja kau berada, ketahuilah. aku ingin memohon ampun sekiranya ada perkataan ku menampar wajahmu, perbuatan ku mencalar hatiku. ketahuilah. tiada niatku menyakiti sahabat yang kuanggap saudara. ya. saudara. bukan sekadar siapa-siapa. tetapi jika kau tidak sudi menerima, sekurang-kurangnya, beritahu aku. janganlah disimpan seorang diri rasa sakit dihati. jikalau sudah lahir benci dalam hatimu terhadapku, terpulang apa hukuman kau mahu jatuhkan. aku sanggup. demi seorang saudara. sungguh.

tidak mengapa jika rasa sayang seorang sahabat sudah hilang terhadapku. mungkin aku ada dosanya. maaf sahabat. mungkin seorang aku ini membebankan dirimu.

hmm.. terasa lega setelah menulis disini. jika ada sahabat-sahabat yang membaca nukilan ini dan pernah dilukai aku, sepuluh jari kususun memohon ampun. diharap kalian tidak meninggalkan aku juga.

salam.

the song that i am currently humming to..

99 Problems - Jay-Z

If you're havin' girl problems i feel bad for you son

I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one

[Verse One]

I got the rap patrol on the gat patrol

Foes that wanna make sure my casket's closed

Rap critics they say he's "Money Cash Hoes"

I'm from the hood stupid, what type of facts are those

If you grew up with holes in ya zapatos

You'd be celebrating the minute you was havin' dough

I'm like fuck critics you can kiss my whole asshole

If you don't like my lyrics you can press fast forward

I got beef with radio if i don't play they show

They don't play my hits i don't give a shit SO

Rap mags try and use my black ass

So advertisers can give 'em more cash for ads, fuckers

I don't know what you take me as,

Or understand the intelligence that Jay-Z has

I'm from rags to ritches niggas I ain't dumb

I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one

Hit me

[Chorus]

99 problems but the bitch aint one

If you're havin' girl problems i feel bad for you son

I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one

Hit me

[Verse Two]

The year's '94 and my trunk is raw

In my rear view mirror is the mother fuckin' law

I got two choices y'all pull over the car or (hmmm)

Bounce on the double put the pedal to the floor

Now I ain't tryin' to see no highway chase with Jay.

Plus i got a few dollars i can fight the case

So I...pull over to the side of the road

I heard "Son do you know why I'm stoppin' you for?"

Cause I'm young and I'm black and my hats real low?

Do I look like a mind reader sir, I don't know

Am I under arrest or should I guess some mo'?

"Well you was doin fifty-five in a fifty-fo' "

"Liscense and registration and step out of the car"

"Are you carryin' a weapon on you I know a lot of you are"

I ain't steppin out of shit all my paper's legit

"Well, do you mind if I look round the car a little bit?"

Well my glove compartment is locked so are the trunk in the back

And I know my rights so you gon' need a warrant for that

"Aren't you sharp as a tack, you some type of lawyer or something'?"

"Or somebody important or somethin'?"

Nah, I ain't pass the bar but i know a little bit

Enough that you won't illegally search my shit

"We'll see how smart you are when the K9 come"

I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one

Hit me

[Chorus]

99 Problems but a bitch ain't one

if you havin girl problems

i feel bad for you son

I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one hit me

99 Problems but a bitch ain't one

if you havin girl problems

i feel bad for you son

I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one

Hit me

[Verse Three]

Now once upon a time not too long ago

A nigga like myself had to strong arm a hoe

This is not a hoe in the sense of havin a pussy

But a pussy havin no God Damn sense, try and push me

I tried to ignore him and talk to the Lord

Pray for him, cause some fools just love to perform

You know the type loud as a motor bike

But wouldn't bust a grape in a fruit fight

The only thing that's gonna happen is I'ma get to clappin

He and his boys gon be yappin to the captain

And there I go trapped in the kit kat again

Back through the system with the riff raff again

Fiends on the floor scratchin again

paparazzi's with they cameras snappin them

D.A. tried to give the nigga shaft again

Half-a-mil for bail cause I'm African

All because this fool was harrasin' them

Tryin to play the boy like hes saccarin

But ain't nothin sweet 'bout how I hold my gun

I got 99 problems being a bitch ain't one.

Hit me

[Chorus X3]

You're crazy for this one Rick

It's your boy

(http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/99-problems-lyrics-jay-z/91ac14f077bcf79848256ddf0006c3f1)