heart? gone.

met erika just now for a personal, chit-chat like meeting. well, she's one of the person that i feel very comfortable of talking to. i'll fill in about the meeting later but first, i'll tell you why i feel comfortable talking to her. as i've said in my previous post, i'm not a very sociable person. some might think i am but the truth is, i am NOT. so, its safe to say that i rarely find someone out of my family circle that i could talk to and make me feel safe. she has a way of looking at you that'll make you feel like your words matters a lot to her. makes you feel good about yourself and feel comfortable in your own skin. she has that ability. and not to mention that she's very motherly, whats with her stern and no nonsense attitude mix with sense of humour that left people giggling their stomach out. so, yeah, i rarely found one like that and its a blessing that here, thousands of miles away from home that i had the chance to meet with one.

so back to the topic, i wont discuss everything here since its quite a confidential matters that we were talking about just not. nonetheless, i'll tell about something that really makes me want to cry my eyes out. the story goes like this....

we were chatting about something when she asked me about my realtionship with my brothers and sister now that i am here, a good 9 hours away from them. cant deny it, i was a bit shocked that she ask so because never in my life had someone ask me such question. that very question reverts my mind back to malaysia and to be more specific to my youngest brother whom i share the strongest bond with. then i said everything was fine with my other siblings. the only different is the fact that i had the most drastic changes in my life happening at almost the same time. 3 weeks before i was about to come to australia, i had to send him away to a boarding school.

life has never been more lonely since then. i'm not that close to him in a sense that we never really talked much but our very presence complements each other. we sometimes talk about life and stuffs that only the two of us could comprehend since we share the same wavelength, much to my mother's dismay =). that makes me missed him so much. and since he's in a boarding school, he couldnt bring along his mobile which annoys me to no end as i cant reach him whenever u dim necessary. but we were still in the same country and state.

now that i'm here, i feel so lost. cant quite put my finger into this feeling but it's tearing me up inside. i pray to Allah that He would give me the strength to be away from my family and study with open heart and mind. that's all i need for now. But i also pray that i'll get the chance to talk to Biggie again (yes, that would be my brother). Amin ya rabbal alamin...