up and about...

well, after few weeks of moping around for no particular reason, finally here i am. ready to take on the world by storm. loving everyday as if its my last is my new resolution. Alhamdulillah.. thank Allah for cutting me a slack and giving me strength to face challenges here in a land far far away from home for that had been my hope this last few days. 2 years is a very long time for a person to go on without a loving hug from beloved mother and father but, oh well, my friends are always there for me. thanks friends. even though we are of different culture, background and religion, i thank my Maker each and every single day for blessing me with friends that are my only precious possession here. Australia's weather too has helped a lot in restoring my good humour. for that, again, Syukran Ya Rabbul Alamin.... and for friends that has always been beside me this few months (gosh, it has been almost 3 months already eh? seems like only one month since i last saw my mom waving at the departing avenue in KLIA). hope that this mood stays with me long enough to last me here in Brisbane. Ameennn...

i. hate. it.

i hate it when you choose your girl over your friend.
i hate it when you say 'you're my only friend' and then you treat me like dirt.
i hate it when you buzz me and then you say, 'wait, my girl's on the line. could you go offline for a while. i'll buzz you later, k.'
i hate it when your girlfriend hated me because your best-mate is a girl.
i hate it when she kept on checking my page whenever i post something on your wall.
i hate it when you only look for me when you and her fought.
i hate it when you keep out outing a secret from your girl.

mate, please. i am your friend. NOT your stuff. respect me for who i am.
i love you so much, brother but please, stop acting as though we have an affair. cause we don't and never will. remember this, I AM YOUR FRIEND, MATE, BUDDY or what ever people might call it.

i'm out of here.

today, now, here.

i am so de-motivated this last few days. no idea why but its just there. like a part of me, i can't seem to break away from it. don't know what others might say about me and my gloomy mood but i hope they can bear with me. sorry for those who might have been hurt by my sudden temper. so sorry. i am trying very very hard to overcome it. just stay with me for a while longer and i promise i'll be happy as a child again. sorry all.

life is like this..

colleagues are people that work with you and have good time with you.
friends are those who share your laughters and your pains as if they feel it too.
family are those who cherished every moments they're with you and crave to be with you when they are apart.
love is the people who's take a bullet for you.
so, which category are you in now? yeah i know, its hard to choose because we are multi-taskers. i too am proud to say that i am all of the above and more. because for me, i can't be too friendly and/or too cold to everyone.

oh yeah back to the topic at hand. actually my head in chaos right now. i feel ignored. i don't really know why. i'm not looking for attention but somehow, it stings when someone you care about, ignores you as though you're nothing but a nuisance to them. it hurts like hell even when you're trying hard to be positive bout it. *sigh*

the next i'm making friends, i'll make sure that they meant nothing more than just colleagues to mo. nothing more.

Allah....

i feel void of energy after hearing one very sad story. a cousin who just got married few months ago is about to get divorced. what?! Allahuakhbar.. not only that. the sad story does not end there. the cousin's father, who is a long-suffering kidney failure patient has only 3 years left to breath in the sweet air of Allah's earth. whilst the mother were shocked to found out that her kidneys too are failing due to high blood pressure. Ya Allah, this test is very hard for me to digest, what about my cousins who are in very much need of their parents at this crucial time?
i don't know what else to do but pray. very very hard. Ya Allah, please give my cousins a chance to solve everything with their parents standing unmoving behind them. Ya Allah, please answer my prayer, your sinful servant. Please please please.
Hasbunallah wani'mal wakeel... Ya Rahman Ya Rahim

friend?

lately i have been feeling something unfamiliar to me. its been going around for about a few days already. after much digging inside my brain and reflecting upon my acts and words, finally i understand what it's all about. i feel like I'm losing a friend. the heart-wrenching feeling left queasy and restless almost every night. Allah... please help me cope with this feeling. help me understand what is happening now for i do not have the courage to go up and ask from the person about what is going in. *sigh* ya Allah, please..

this feeling..

naah~ i'm not feeling giddy or softening of heart towards anyone okay.. keep on dreaming. those feeling will only come when i've found my lifemate. till then, the only feeling i'd generate would be borderless friendship and family bond. gosh, sidetracking.

coming back to the feeling in hand, i have been having this undescribeable feeling in my heart since few days back. its almost like there's a gaping hole in my heart. homesick? near impossible since i've in contact with my family in a daily basis, especially my beloved mother. love? i dont think so mate~ *disgusted* nooooo freaking way.. i'm determined to not to feel tendre towards anyone unrelated but my future husband. (God, i'd be blushing profusely when i read this post later.. LOL)

what is this feeling? Ya Rahman, please please please let me understand this feeling so that i can deal with it ASAP. it makes my head pounding like there's a jackhammer inside whenever i try to think about it. please friends, if any of you had had any experience in this matter, feel free to share. hate to waste time thinking when i could use the time to do my assignments. till next time.

cheerio~ =)