sins and the sinner~

its Eid! well at least in Malaysia and areas where the new moon was sighted last night. here in Brisbane, we'd be celebrating Eid tomorrow, methinks.
earlier this morning, i woke up with this groggy feeling. bitter taste in my mouth. maybe because i was imagining how my Eid would be if i'm in Malaysia. hard eh?
so i decided to be a little lazy (just a little, mind you) and take the day one minute at a time. getting out of the sleeping bag, switching on the computer, then on to the ikim.com.my web. man i'm good at adding salt to the wound.
the 'takbir' seemed to call for me to embrace its meanings. was carried away for a while. remembering the meanings of Eid-ul-fitr that i explained to my sisters during JJC2. getting back to our 'fitrah', and a day of victory to those who had 'berjaya' to fulfill the spirit and objectives of Ramadhan.
those who had 'berjaya'. then i started to cry. can i be counted as one? should i? i failed miserably at what i preached.
"O you who believe! why do you say which you do not do? It is most hateful to Allah that you should say what which you do not do." (as-saff 61:2-3)
would i be able to redeem myself? would i even be able to meet with Ramadhan again next year? gosh, who is to say that i would still be alive this next minutes?
astaghfirullah astaghfirullah astaghfirullah
O He who loves to forgive, forgive me for i have sinned time and time again.
Our lord! we have been unjust to ourselves, and if Thou forgive us not, and have (not) mercy on us, we shall certainly be of the losers. (al-a'raf 7:23)

taqabballahu minna wa minka~