20 more days to go.. may be a long time for others but for me and fellow Cohort 1 brethen, its only a single breath away... people ask me, 'How do you feel about leaving for two years?'. my answer? shrugging my shoulders and smile. interpretation be damn but really cannot feel anything rather than a huge chunk of emptiness inside me. like there used to be something there but it got lost, somehow.
normal people would be either moping till their eyes fall down or smiling from ear to ear. but since i think i am slightly imbalance where my emotions are concern, i cant seem to grasp the idea of leaving home for two years. what's more being away in an unknown land. i do have my much cherished friends with me but in a way, i seem so LOST.
being moody and gloomy is a part of me no one seem to realise. they even say i seem to have no worries but deep down inside, i feel as insecure as they are. but i rather not show it because its a sign of weakness. but it has always been fine for me since i have people surrounding me who understand and care. but what about then?
when i am there, who is going to keep me safe in my private world? where my sadness, gloom and darkness are mine for keeping. where i can share my thought with those that care. care enough to just listen and pretend that they understand. gosh, i shouldn't be feeling this but i need to state it somewhere. to someone.. maybe here, my intriguing thoughts will be safe with me and friends that care.
hmm...... feeling much better i guess. hopefully i'll be in shape for my outing tomorrow. till then.
misslola INc.
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