i'm not sure i'd be alive to attend my wedding, see the Kaabah with my own eyes or even teach my next class tomorrow. but what i could positively say is that, i'd die not a second longer then when my Maker decides that it's time for me to bid the world a sweet adieu.

Because if you have even an ounce of humanity left in that scarred soul of yours, you'd be ashamed of you self, your whinings and your disrespect for a human's right to live. anywhere of God's vast earth.

that's life, hey!

the perks of working in the city is that you hardly feel like taking some time off to go anywhere near mother nature at the end of the day. how could you? you're just too tired and numbed by the stress at work and the mind-numbing traffic jams to and from work that all you want to do is curl up on the bed and call it a day.

no wonder i always feel so used up only by Wednesday. Alhamdulillah i get to spend weekends away in Pahang where you'd wake up and go to bed lulled by the soft chirping of birds and the sounds of crickets from a distance away. where you could take a deep breath and in come the sweet fresh smell of lush trees and green grasses. and of course the company. where you could eat breakfast and lunch and (surprise, surprise) dinner with mom and sister. yes! a complete course of meals throughout the day. not to forget the laughter and smiles of young Aliya to cleanse your soul. just a touch of smile upon her lips could make you forget about all the jealousy and heartbreaks, stresses and angers. they just wither away like the fall of morning dew from the soft petals of hibiscuses. the innocence and pure love of a child.

p/s : i never really feel the need to use proper capital letters here. despite the fact that I'm a grammar Nazi by personality and a tea maker by profession.

Dreams

Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.
Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow. 

Langston Hughes

mungkin suatu hari nanti rasa ini akan hilang.

Just feel tired and burn out right now.

As I Grew Older

It was a long time ago.
I have almost forgotten my dream.
But it was there then,
In front of me,
Bright like a sun-
My dream.
And then the wall rose,
Rose slowly,
Slowly,
Between me and my dream.
Rose until it touched the sky-
The wall.
Shadow.
I am black.
I lie down in the shadow.
No longer the light of my dream before me,
Above me.
Only the thick wall.
Only the shadow.
My hands!
My dark hands!
Break through the wall!
Find my dream!
Help me to shatter this darkness,
To smash this night,
To break this shadow
Into a thousand lights of sun,
Into a thousand whirling dreams
Of sun! 

Langston Hughes

What I've been feeling these past few weeks.

Be With Those Who Help Your Being by Jalaluddin Rumi

Be with those who help your being.
Don't sit with indifferent people,
Whose breath comes cold out of their mouths.
Not these visible forms,
Your work is deeper.

A chunk of dirt thrown in the air breaks to pieces.
If you don't try to fly,
And so break yourself apart,
You will be broken open by death,
When it's too late for all you could become.

Leaves get yellow.
The tree puts out fresh roots and makes them green,
Why are you so content with a love that turns you yellow?